Home Personal Injuries A Personal Injury Lawyer’s Ten Most Savage Jokes About Lawyers | Sponsored

A Personal Injury Lawyer’s Ten Most Savage Jokes About Lawyers | Sponsored

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Everyone’s heard a lawyer joke at some point because the reputation of lawyers has been forever damaged by crazy stories about courtroom antics, or lawsuit stories that get a little wild. For many, the debate is still out on whether politicians or lawyers occupy a lower place on the “socially acceptable to admit to” scale. 

However, that doesn’t mean we can’t share a laugh over a profession that deserves it from time to time. Check out our top ten jokes about lawyers that make even us laugh. 

10. A Classic Bar Joke

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?” 

“Sure do,” replied the bartender. 

“Good,” said the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my gator.”

9. Genie in a Bottle

One day, a man is walking along the beach and comes across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubs it, and, much to his surprise, a genie actually appears. “For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes,” says the genie.

The man is ecstatic. “But there’s a catch,” the genie continues. 

“What catch?” asks the man, eyeing the genie suspiciously. 

The genie replies, “For each of your wishes, every lawyer in the world will receive DOUBLE what you ask for.” 

“Hey, I can live with that! No problem!” replies the elated man.

“What is your first wish?” asks the genie. 

“Well, I’ve always wanted a Ferrari!” POOF! A Ferrari appears in front of the man. 

“Now, every lawyer in the world has been given TWO Ferraris,” says the genie. “What is your next wish?”

“I could really use a million dollars,” replies the man, and POOF! One million dollars appears at his feet.

“Now every lawyer in the world is TWO million dollars richer,” the genie reminds the man. 

“Well, that’s OK, as long as I’ve got MY million,” replies the man.

“And what is your final wish?” asks the genie. 

The man thinks long and hard, and finally says, “Well, you know, I’ve always wanted to donate a kidney.”

8. A Man of the Cloth

What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law.

7. A Good-Hearted Nurse

As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, “Why are all the blinds drawn?” 

The nurse answered, “There’s a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to think you had died.”

6. Doing the Right Thing

A young lady goes to see a lawyer regarding a minor matter. After consultation, he notes the bill will be $100. She gives him a crisp $100 dollar bill and leaves. Sitting back, the lawyer gives the bill a flick and notices that the bill was so new and crisp it had another $100 dollar bill stuck to it. 

Now he was facing the age-old ethical dilemma: should he keep it himself or split it with his partner?

5. Honesty Is the Best Policy! 

Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case. “Look,” said one, “let’s be honest with each other.“

“Okay, you first,” replied the other, and that ended the discussion. 

4. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Q: When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground? 

A: Because deep down, they’re really nice guys.

3. Courtroom Integrity

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

“So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.”

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.”

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. “Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits!”

2. Lawyers Always Pay Their Dues, Right? 

Two lawyers are in a bank when, suddenly, two armed robbers burst in. While one of the robbers takes the money from the tellers, the other lines the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall and proceeds to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.

The first lawyer shoves something into the other one’s hand. “What is this?” the latter asks without looking. “It’s that $100 I owe you.” 

1. Separating the Men from the Boys

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” 

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.” 

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. 

Bonus Joke!

Q. How many lawyer jokes are in existence?

A. Only three. All the rest are true stories.

Whether you’re a lawyer or not, I bet you chuckled at some of those. Although some lawyers might need to “plead the 5th” on a couple of those, most attorneys have strong integrity because they are bound by ethics rules. Violating rules gets you disbarred.


When you’ve been in an accident, a lawyer can help you get well and get more money in your pocket for your pain and suffering than if you don’t make that one call for assistance. We’re here when you need us. Call 509-999-9999 or visit our website at CraigSwapp.com for a free consultation.

This local content is provided and sponsored by Craig Swapp & Associates. All reviews are those of the sponsor and do not reflect the opinion of KHQ, Inc. or its valued advertisers.

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